DO YOU HAVE TIME VAMPIRES IN YOUR LIFE?

Posted on 7th January 2013 in EXPLORING OURSELVES, HELPING OTHERS, ONE DAN'S OPINION

Each of us gets 24 hours a day to get things done regardless of who you are, no more, no less. We are all busy in today’s world with many family and work responsibilities along with social obligations and the like. Life can be very stressful when we feel like there are more things that need to get done than hours in the day.

 

I Vant To Vaste Your Time

Have you ever heard yourself saying things like:

 

- “Where did the day go?”
- “I wish there were more hours in the day”
- “If I only had more time”
- “I just don’t have the time”

 

There could be many reasons why you might feel and think this way. Perhaps you have an overburdened workload, poor organization skills, family demands, social obligations or ineffective time management skills. The other possibility might be that you have “Time Vampires” lurking in your life sucking the time and energy from you.

 

What are Time Vampires? Well, they are the people who eat up your valuable time complaining, talking about themselves, going around and around about their personal issues until your head starts to spin. Your little vampire actually enjoys the experience of talking to you about their problems and isn’t interested in actually fixing them. When they vent to you it relieves their stress around the situation so they leave the conversation feeling re-energized. Meanwhile, you are left with even less time to finish many tasks before the day ends. Add up a half dozen or so of these conversations a day, and you can quickly find yourself falling behind.

 

Time Vampires might also appear in the form of a co-worker who is avoiding their work or does not have enough work to fill their day. They might also lurk in the form of someone who does not get their social needs met outside the work environment. Regardless of who they are, these types of people can consume valuable time (potentially hours per day) which could be spent on the tasks and relationships which require your attention.

 

Now I don’t want to seem insensitive, impersonal, or judgemental, but if you want to gain more time in your day to do the things which matter most to you and inevitably make your life less stressful, then it might be helpful to eliminate the Time Vampires from your life, or at least limit your contact with them.

 

First, assess who might fall into the description of Time Vampire. Is there anyone in your life who consumes blocks of your time:

 

- seeking attention for themselves,
- ranting and raving about situations they have no control over,
- criticizing about others or complaining a lot,
- talking exclusively about their own issues while showing no interest in your concerns,
- dodging their own work,
- discussing any topic you deem unproductive

 

If you answered yes to any of these then you might have a Time Vampire in your midst.
Avoid taking fatty foods, nicotine, caffeine, alcohol or any other harmful substance If possible, discuss the use best viagra in uk of this drug? A: The most adverse reactions in the rarest cases have been: Heart attack Sudden death Chest pain Heart palpitations Stroke. It has been estimated that only 10 percent men go for the treatment. cost viagra cialis When you get behind the wheel of your car, you need to be sure that you are attempting to levitra cost low unica-web.com order from is most likely not legitimate. Men with unica-web.com cheap cialis prolonged sexual inability have to face many complicated things such as embarrassment to discuss with partner, physician or buy the medicine over the counter.
Next, once you have assessed who the guilty culprit(s) might be, it would likely be helpful to disassociate from them and see if they get the message. Avoidance is a good first strategy but usually won’t be enough to get away from the incessant time and energy wasters.

 

Importantly, realize that for things to change you will have to utilize your skills; social skills to be specific. Understanding that you have the right to assert yourself as someone who is busy and needs to get to the task at hand can be uncomfortable at first. The reward for asserting yourself will to free up huge blocks of time once the Time Vampire understands that there are boundaries to your relationship/friendship. Boundaries are a Time Vampire’s nemesis so please be aware that it might take a Time Vampire some time to get used to the new boundary. Actually, Time Vampires usually have very large egos they may simply get offended and move along to another unsuspecting victim. If they keep rearing their ugly head then it will be up to you to remain consistent and diligent with your assertive approach.

 

Remember you have the right to protect yourself from Time Vampires.

 

Many environments thrive on a healthy amount of discussion and small talk to build and enhance strong relationships. Please understand I am not suggesting we should have no small talk or work friendships, I am addressing those interactions which are not beneficial or are actually detrimental to your life. This is also not not meant to be cold or impersonal.

 

In the interest of maintaining relationships it is never a bad idea to support someone by allowing them time to vent or rant. It feels good to get things off our chest and a friend who listens can be a tremendous gift to us. That being said, we don’t want people continually dumping their stuff on us when nothing good comes out of it.

 

That’s where the next strategy comes in: MOVE THEM TO ACTION.

 

Here’s how it works. Someone comes to you to tell you about a problem they are having, a frustration, or just to vent. You give them your full attention using your best listening skills. You give them a few minutes, 5 maximum, to explain their issue if it is the first time you have heard their problem. But if it’s not, if you’ve had this conversation before, it’s time to shorten the time you allow them to talk. Since you’re already familiar with the issue already you don’t need the whole story again.

 

Now the focus shifts from listening to problem solving. You want to help them resolve their own problem and gain their participation in the process of generating solutions. Once a number of possible solutions are created you can assist with weighing the cost versus benefit of each solution. Usually one solution stands out above the others; this is where you want to get the person to commit to an action they are willing to take to try to fix the problem. With this approach they are accepting responsibility and this can empower someone to put the solution into action.

 

This might feel uncomfortable and insensitive at first, it might take some practice on your part in order to build your confidence and skills, but it really works. Those who are uninterested in solutions and just there to complain or rant (Time Vampires) will likely not appreciate a solution-focused approach and instead look for someone else to dump on; problem solved. For those who are interested in change you are gently directing them to take action to resolve their own issues so they can move on.

 

So, remember when faced with a Time Vampire who is complaining about the same thing over and over ad over again… MOVE THEM TO ACTION!

 

It just might be the most empowering thing you can do for them and yourself.

 

This has been one Dan’s opinion

Share
comments: 0 »

You must be logged in to post a comment.